I hope this is in the right place. If not I guess you can move it?

Anyhoo...I am doing my "critter" duty (hehe I love that we are all li'l critters, although I keep expecting to see Ellie-Mae to appear out of nowhere...)

I really liked the way the timeline was played with in this short. It was a good experiment with a non-linear storyline and methods of disclosure. I think I saw a few grammatical points to toy with, but otherwise it was an interesting read. Well done.    

--Last edited by Miss Behaving on 2007-05-26 14:27:00 --

YES, jANINE, YOU GOT THE RIGHT PLACE.  And you're a great li'l critter--Ellie Mae would love ya.

This is a super good story, and I think that more is coming?  

Saw a typo or two, like "happing" instead of happening.  Also punctuation still needs a wee bit of work.  Example:  "That's why I came to you Carter Do you think you can find her for me?"

Comma after *you* and period after *Carter.*
Mostly okay, though.  Good work, Ross.

I don't understand why spell check didn't catch that one?
I start my english classes next wed. and I hope my punctuation improves over time. You are correct I will be updating this story as well as my untitled story also but currently my schedule has not allowed me time to work on either or much time for reading for that matter. ah but the 4th is only a few weeks away and hopefully my schedule will allow some time.

Thanks
Ross

PS. and BTW
I have much more on these two stories written and will submit addition parts as I have them etched in soft granite. meaning they can still change but unless something comes up later in the story it shouldn't.

I have just updated "Not Gulity"
The story posted is nearly were I am in my writing.
Please be nit picky if there is something that doesn't seem right or doesn't work please point it out. the plot is not fully developed in this part of the story and things my not look like they are connected but will be (or at least i have it mapped that way. sometimes the story takes a life of its own). at this point the story is less than a third of the way through.