This was an interesting story.  I liked the fact that there wasn't too much pain and agony on the woman's part and that she was strong in the face of violence.

I also liked the fact that her savior wasn't some hero on a white steed.  

There was a shift from third person to first person in the following lines:

Quote :

The rapist was awake and screaming as the police came into her apartment within minutes after she called them. It must have been a sight for the police to see because the rapist was screaming obscenities at her as she screamed back at him with her hand on the handle of my Hoover Vacuum Cleaner that was sitting upright and next to him. And I only had my panties and bra on yet!

I don't know if this shift was intentional or not.  Thought I'd point it out in case.

The voice is a little passive using all the "be" verb conjugations.  Making those verbs solid would tighten up the piece and give it more punch.

Priscilla Parker  

--Last edited by dsullivan on 2007-05-26 21:01:57 --

Priscilla makes some good points.  As to the POV issue, I like staying with third person all the way  The story started in third person and kept in third person until near the end, and the switch kind of distracts the reader.

But all in all, this is a great story, George.  I really enjoyed it--a real page turner.  

--Last edited by dsullivan on 2007-05-17 00:32:43 --

very interesting point of view on this
I did not expect who the "hero" turned out to be

Thank you all very much.

  I originally wrote in the first person, then rewrote in the third.  I should have edited it better after rewriting in the third person.

Thank you for your comments!!