Read the magazine and get to know the type of stories that they publish. Scrutinize each story for tone, uniqueness, how much or how little character development, who the magazine’s target readers are, and the theme of each story. How the theme is presented is important. Every magazine has a captive readership, and what those readers want is what the mag will offer.

Edit you story much better!!!  Check for spelling and grammar use. Grammar doesn’t have to be perfect but each word must be spelled right.

Go over the story again and again, and condense as much as possible.

The best advice I can offer----I’m not a pro---is to keep reading and writing, and learning.

Your story might be what another mag wants!! But, read those mag and get to know what they want.

Nice try, and remember you’re learning and getting better with each story!!

I did not find it to depressing. the ending was uplifting. it left me with th feeling that tho the battle would be long hope would probaly win out.

Good job

This is a really good story, and I enjoyed it.  I can think of but one suggestion to improve it.  

Perhaps adding a little action to liven it up might help.  For example, the scene where Lily's mother comes home and catches her with a handful of sleeping pills and a glass of water.

You might change the scene to something like this:  Lily was about to take the pills when she looked up to see her mother, who had come home early, entering the room.  She saw the shock and dismay in her mother's face as her mother realized what was happening.  Her mother dropped (whatever) to the floor and ran to her.

Lily was dumbfounded as she watched her mother reach out and strike the hand holding the pills.  The pills clattered on the floor.

Her mother pulled her into her arms.  "My baby.  My only child.  Why, Lily, why?"

Other scenes might be changed where appropriate.

Just my take.  Hope it helps.  

As to the rejection, don't feel downhearted.  Shrug it off and submit it elsewhere.  If I remember right, I believe you sold another story on the first try to a well known magazine. I, and most writers, experience tons of rejections before selling our first. So expect rejections.  You'll get 'em.  Just keep writing and submitting.  

--Last edited by dsullivan on 2007-06-16 17:45:27 --

I should have mentioned the story line. It was good and many are interested in its theme. You have a talent for story telling and, from reading other stories by you, you have a good feel for the human touch in a story. Character development conitinued thoughout the story, and it was easy to see and feel the environment which Lily lived in.